At first I was relieved and then a little miffed that our almost-liaison hadn’t catapulted me into the school’s Hall of Fame. Today it makes me shake my head thinking back to what I was like then- I don’t like getting older but I feel I’ve come a long way since then. Sophie had seen me when I came back into the social club followed a few moments later by John and had realised that something wasn’t right. I was almost eternally grateful that she didn’t ask me about it either then or when we were back at school. There were times I wished she could have been more like Katherine and talked to me about personal stuff but those couple of weeks weren’t one of them and I was thankful for her slightly prudish nature. Katherine, on the other hand, had no such qualms and straight out asked me how I’d managed to get to 18 without having kissed anyone. My flimsy, and slightly cruel, attempt to divert her by pointing out that I wasn’t a slut didn’t have the desired affect and I eventually. I try to time my jerk to hit Judy in the face while she is onscreen, but I’m too slow and I nail Bert the bailiff instead. It’s not my fault the mutt is dumb enough to stand that close to me, so I grab him and use him to clear the screen. Pat mutters something about lawyers on his way out to her job at Hooters. I doze off on the couch from such a rough morning. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! What the fuck? I ask myself, when did Pat install a solid brass door knocker? Nothing worse than Tuesday morning Jehovah Witnesses, and I’ve had it up to here with them. The pellet gun I stole from my grandma looks just like a real .45, so I sling open the door and take a shot. Instead of white-shirted Jesus freaks running for their lives, Olga just winces and rubs her forehead. I think I made her angry. “Here for to clean da place.” she grunts. “please to tuck gonads in.” I grab my machinery with both hands and leverage it all back into my leopard print speedo. Olga is staring at what looks.
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